Manchester United v Bournemouth, Liverpool v Brighton and more: clockwatch – live

⚽️ Premier League updates from 2pm GMT⚽️ Live scoreboard | Send Daniel an email DanielAn egg walks into a kitchen looking unhappy, so a chef asks what’s up. “It’s the spurtles,” he says. “They beat me.”“What about the forks?” ventures the chef; “Yes, they beat me too,” comes back the response, so there’s a pause while the chef considers. Continue reading…

Reports from Old Trafford, broadcast by Sky, advise us that Bruno Fernandes has been dropped by Michael Carrick. We don’t know if it’s for consistent poor form or midweek insubordination – it could be either or both – but either way, it’s a shame it’s come to this. Ultimately, United have broken Bruno, who’s dedicated his career to elevating a club that has consistently let him down, and though he was out of line in what he said after Como, it didn’t come out of nothing, well earned though his omission is. An egg walks into a kitchen looking unhappy, so a chef asks what’s up.

“It’s the spurtles,” he says. “They beat me.” “What about the forks?” ventures the chef; “Yes, they beat me too,” comes back the response, so there’s a pause while the chef considers. “Have you thought about hanging out with Manchester United?” he eventually offers. They don’t beat anyone.” It’s now almost two months since United won a league game, and that against promoted Ipswich – who now sit five places above them in the table. They did also manage a victory over Sabah, Champions League debutants, but otherwise, their start to