She second-guessed herself and was eager to please. She ‘felt frozen’ when she believed she displeased someone

• The modern mind is a column where experts discuss mental health issues they are seeing in their work

Ali* initially came to therapy for disordered eating. She was a young and diffident woman. She described recurrent cycles of restricted eating followed by attempts to exercise it away. We used cognitive behavioural therapy for eating disorders to unpick her “food rules” – the underlying beliefs which can drive eating disorders, such as “the less I eat the better” or “carbs are bad”.

As we worked on understanding and shifting her beliefs and behaviours around food, we noticed that most of her assumptions around eating, shape and weight coincided with the start of her relationship with her ex-partner. She told me he was a “gym junkie” and spent hours working out and encouraged her to do the same. “He got angry if I ate carbs,” she said, “and created a couples meal plan for us so I could shred and look hot when we were out together.”

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